So, I finally pulled the trigger and ordered myself a shiny new M4 iMac. Needed the LAST one in a hurry so had to take the 500 GB internal drive 3 years ago. Since I have CURRENTLY about 1.5TB of data, can you say “External Drive?” I thought you could. How’s THAT worked out? Not too good. External drives SOUND sexy and cool, but in function? Not so much for a few reasons… but that’s not the reason for the post.
THAT SAID, this wasn’t some impulse click while dozing off to “Twilight Zone” reruns – yes, the black and white ones – love me some Rod Serling. I’ve been waiting to grab this little jewel for several months. Even signed up for that fancy metal Apple card several months ago in one of those “Time to GRAB IT!” moments – and then talked myself out of it. Anyway, was VERY prepared for THIS transaction. Now, I would’ve loved to snag it in person at the Apple Store over at Crabtree Valley Mall, but apparently the good stuff doesn’t live there anymore. Nope. Had to be built and shipped from China. Yep. Nothing like waiting on a multi-thousand-dollar tech purchase to cross international borders during a time when trust in Chinese electronics is… let’s say, low.
But alright. I’m a patient guy — mostly.
The order started moving on March 24. China to Cincinnati in 29 hours and 15 minutes – I asked Grok for THAT handy little conversion. I’m impressed – with Grok AND the transit time. Say what you want about global logistics, but that’s not bad. And then… it just sat. Like one of those fat squirrels on the bird feeder in my backyard, my package parked itself in Cincinnati for nearly five days in “Customs Clearance.” I was beginning to think someone over at DHS was binge-watching Netflix on my iMac before signing off on it.
Fast-forward to April 1 — and oh, the irony. April Fools’ Day. Guess who’s home, working, and waiting on the package like a kid listening for sleigh bells? DHL rolls up – I see it on my little outdoor cam. “IT’S HERE! IT’S HERE! IT’S HERE!” The heavens open up, angels sing, and an inner peace comes over me.
I hear the dogs bark (because, of course, they notice everything), I stand up, I see the truck, and I KNOW it’s finally for REAL. I’m on the phone but ready to bolt out in two seconds if I hear a knock or see someone standing in the door with that new iMac and a pen in their hand. And… nothing. “Well, obviously, they didn’t need a signature. Cool.” I’m thinking to myself. I finish my call and walk to the office door — THREE minutes later. Not exaggerating. THREE. Not thirty.
And what do I find? Nothing here. IN spite of the yard sign conspicuously posted that says “Deliver Packages to Side Door” – even has an arrow for those who might be textually-challenged. “Dopes” I mutter to myself as I go to the front door to retrieve that shiny new iMac goodness.
“What the…” A sticky note slapped on the storm door???
“We tried to deliver but no one was here.”
ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?
There’s a conspicuously posted sign in the front yard: “DELIVER TO SIDE DOOR.” It’s not hidden in the shrubbery. Not written in hieroglyphs. Bright, bold, and — crazy idea — meant to be read. AND HAS THE AFOREMENTIONED ARROW FOR THOSE WHO CAN’T MUSTER THAT LEVEL OF EFFORT.
Did they knock? No. Did they ring the doorbell? Nope. Did they go to the side door? NO. I tested the doorbell later just to be sure. Either one of those would’ve set off Dog Alarm 9000 and I’d have been at the door before the driver could have pulled the pen from behind his ear. Instead, I’m looking at a “Will try again:” with a quick check next to Wednesday. MFer. I’ve no doubt most of the neighbors heard the scream that came from WAY down.
“Come not between the Nazgûl and his prey!” Or the computer geek and his new iMac.
Maybe I can catch the truck nearby??? Except, wait. There’s a URL printed on their sticky note — http://dhl-usa.com/OnDemand — maybe I can reach out and get a quick turnaround? The truck might not even be to the END of Bobbitt Road yet – less than a mile away! Yeah, THAT’S IT! I rush to the CURRENT iMac, tap THAT URL in, <RETURN> and… nothing. Site doesn’t come up. Try again. Reload. Black hole in the network? Let’s try on the phone. Nothing. Still doesn’t come up as I type this. Not then, not now. I’m not saying it’s being run out of someone’s mom’s basement, but it’s giving off definite “Did someone forget to renew their domain” vibes. DHL, you ARE an international company, right??
So now, I wait. Again.
Let me be clear: I am THIS CLOSE to heading to Walmart to grab a VERY large piece of posterboard and supplementing the ORIGINAL “side door” sign with a fresh SUPER-SIZED one that can’t be missed – and maybe even a BIGGER arrow. Or maybe whip out the label maker and stick a giant “KNOCK HERE, GENIUS” where the sticky note was left yesterday. Trying to cover all bases, maybe ANOTHER one that spells out the steps for USING the doorbell – kept simple. “DOORBELL – PUSH HERE” with a small arrow TO the button. I shouldn’t have to walk a courier through the fine art of delivering a box. It’s not rocket science. It’s not even a difficult pizza delivery.
I’ve been in the business world long enough to know how logistics should work. When they don’t? That’s when I break out the blog post.
And so here we are.
Dear DHL: I don’t need white glove service. But I do need you to knock. Or ring. Or follow the sign. Maybe even all three. DHL Driver, if it’s a rough day, I could live with any ONE of those three – BUT I DO NEED ONE.
That new M4 better be worth the wait — and if I see another yellow sticky note come out without a knock or ring to go with it?
We’re gonna have a “training session” in the driveway when I DO catch him…
