Let’s just rip the band-aid off:
Most SEO agencies are about as trustworthy as a guy named “Steve” in a checkered blazer trying to sell you a 2006 Honda Civic “with only minor flood damage.”
You know the type. Fast-talking, full of buzzwords, and promises so inflated you’d swear helium was involved. They’ll tell you they can get you to “#1 on Google in 30 days.” Newsflash: Unless they’re bribing a Google engineer with a truckload of Funyuns, that’s not happening.
So if you’ve got a business and you’re thinking about hiring an SEO agency—good on you. It means you understand the value of getting found online. But it also means you’re now a target for the kind of companies that will drain your wallet faster than you can say “longtail keyword.”
Let me walk you through what to look out for (and what to run screaming from).
🚩 Red Flag #1: “We Guarantee Page 1 Rankings”
If they say this, grab your wallet and back away slowly. No one—let me say that louder for the folks in the back—NO ONE can guarantee rankings. Google doesn’t send out VIP backstage passes, and their algorithm changes more than a teenage girl’s favorite boy band.
SEO is about strategy, testing, and time. If you want “instant results,” go buy a billboard. Or better yet, a Facebook ad. SEO is a long game. You’re planting crops, not microwaving popcorn.
🚩 Red Flag #2: “We’ll Do Everything for You”
Oh, will you now?
Agencies that promise the moon often fail to deliver even a dusty pebble. SEO is collaborative. You can’t ghost the process like a bad Tinder date and expect it to work. You still need to be involved, provide insight about your business, approve content, maybe even (gasp) respond to emails.
If the agency treats it like a black box—“Don’t worry about what we’re doing, just wait for the magic”—you’re probably paying for a bunch of automated junk, spun articles, and spammy backlinks from Romanian cat blogs.
🚩 Red Flag #3: “We’re Super Cheap!”
You know what else is cheap? Gas station sushi.
If someone’s charging $199/month and promising full SEO services, you’re getting smoke and mirrors. Or worse—penalties from Google for shady tactics. Real SEO takes real time, real research, real people… and yeah, that comes with a real price tag.
Want a good agency? You’re going to pay for it. But like a good bourbon, it’s worth it if you don’t want a headache later.
✅ What You Should Look For
Let’s flip the script and talk about green flags—the kind of stuff that actually means you’re dealing with professionals and not someone who just watched a few YouTube videos and bought a “Digital Marketing Guru” course on sale.
✔️ Transparency
You should know what’s being done, why it’s being done, and when. Real pros will share reports, explain what the numbers mean, and tell you the truth—even when the results aren’t gangbusters right out of the gate.
✔️ Education
A good SEO agency doesn’t just do the work—they help you understand what’s going on. They’ll explain terms like “bounce rate” and “DA” without sounding like they’re trying to impress their cat.
✔️ Custom Strategy
If you’re getting a cookie-cutter plan that looks like something they printed off a template site, bounce. Fast. Real SEO depends on your business goals, your audience, your location, your content. It’s not one-size-fits-all.
Questions to Ask Before You Sign Anything
Because yes, you should be asking questions before you commit to anything with a monthly fee attached:
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What’s your process? (If it’s vague, run.)
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How will success be measured? (Spoiler: it should involve more than just rankings.)
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Can I talk to some current or past clients? (They should want to show off their work.)
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How do you build backlinks? (If it involves shady directory listings or “link farms,” nope.)
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What happens if we stop working together? (If they own your site, your content, or your Google My Business listing… yikes.)
Final Thoughts
Good SEO isn’t about secrets or “hacks.” It’s about consistent effort, smart strategy, and adapting when Google decides to shake up the snow globe again.
So yes, hiring an SEO agency can absolutely work—but only if you pick the right one. Ask questions. Expect honesty. And if someone’s trying to sell you SEO like it’s a magic pill for your website’s problems?
Just remember: that Civic with “low mileage” also had moss growing in the cupholder. I’ve helpfully included an image of what “minor flood damage” usually looks like for your reference.
